By Greg Proops – Such Small Portions – August 14th, 2012

      Greg Proops hasn’t only given us an insight into his Edinburgh hideout, he’s gone on a tour of the city. Read his secret Edinburgh tips here…

      I have a few hideouts in E’bro. First no one from the Festival goes to the Leith. You can have fancy fine food or go for chips and groove on the sea gulls and shippy atmosphere.

      Calton Hill at night is a groovy place to see the lights and dig the after dark skyline. If you want to be very alone walk through the Princes Street Gardens and go to the cemetery down the end. The headstones are fascinating; you will find solitude.

      The Cafe Royal is known to all but if you get there early for lunch you can have the whole joint to yourself and gorge on oysters – heaven.

      Cafe St. Honore is a great place for a long lunch and to watch esteemed members of Parliament do some day drinking.

      Dogs and Sea Dogs are my new favourite places run with great panache by the eccentric culinary wizard and possible real wizard David Ramsden.

      Sometimes plain sight is the best place to hide. Walk the Royal Mile from the Castle down to Holyrood. It thins out the lower you go and there are wild hidden pubs and teahouses all along the way.

      One year on the mile at a cutesy-pie tea place the charming proprietress, a woman of maturity, told us of a drinks party she attended where a friend had a heart attack and expired.

      Rather than stop the fun, she explained they stowed him in the boot of her car and kept drinking.

      It was no use taking him to hospital as he was “deed.”

      The perfect Edinburgh ending to a charming stroll and lovely cakes.

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